RED FLAGS vs REAL SH*T

🚩 Red Flag vs. Real Sh*t 💩

Not everything that makes you uncomfortable is a red flag… and sometimes the “real sh*t” is exactly what we need to hear! 👀

In this episode of The Pull Up Podcast, we’re breaking down the difference between genuine red flags, uncomfortable truths, and the BS we sometimes convince ourselves to tolerate. From relationships and friendships to personal growth and everything in between, we’re asking the questions that might have you saying, “Damn… they were right.” 😂

Pull up, get comfortable, and let’s talk about the sh*t nobody wants to admit! 🚩💩

The Pull Up Podcast — We Pull Up for our community. We Pull Up for our healing. We Pull Up for ourselves.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey friends, it is Ani with the Pula Podcast. Listen, so we had a great episode uh planned out, recorded visually and audibly, and things just did not come together. I mean, like the visual was ugly, it was um a mess, blotchy. The audio, I mean, like I've never had that happen to me where you can hear a whole line, you convert the line to put it in the editor, and now you can't hear the line. I don't know what's going on. I'm not a musical, well, not a musical, I'm not a sound engineer. I need to call my good friend uh overseer David Edwards because this ain't it. And this can't happen again. So, what you're about to hear is a piece of the amazing conversation that uh co-host Danny and I had. So, I just came to let you know to bear with us. We are working out the kinks. Um continue to love on co-host Danny. Um, and we're gonna rock it out, we're gonna keep on moving, we're gonna continue to be consistent and pushing out great content and all of the things. But y'all, listen, this whole sound thing, I don't I don't know what it is. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, but we're gonna figure it out. We are going to figure it out, but what you're about to hear is a great episode, a piece of a great episode that uh we had, and we were talking about red flags and real stuff and all of the things. And please tune in tonight for our after show on Station Head. The tech is the Pull Up Podcast, and me and co-host Danny, we will be wrapping it up, talking it up, chatting it up. Please DM us with some questions or some advice or just some topics that you feel you want to hear when you're rubbing your feet together, maybe watching some TV or whatever. But tune in tonight on Station Head at 11 p.m. Where we're gonna have a great conversation. So maybe we can touch on some of the things that we touched on in the episode that did not work out. All right, love you.

SPEAKER_02 2:55

Insecurities. Those are my biggest red flags. Okay. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

Okay, so what about insecurities? Let's talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

I just feel like if you're not really secure in who you are, it kind of messes with what I have going on too. Yeah. Um, because you you're trying to pour into a person constantly. You're trying to pour it into their confidence bowl. Because a lot of people, they'll be like, Oh, you're very confident. Yeah, of course I am. Yeah. And they'll be like, Yeah, oh, you're a bigger guy. Yeah, I'm still confident though. Yeah. You know? So it's a lot of things, especially when dating, it's like, uh once I kind of now I'm starting to pick and look at the person and be like, Yeah, you're starting to say little things, and I don't really want to deal with that.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

I I I kind of feel that too. Yeah. Um, I think a red flag for me would be not knowing yourself or who you are and what you carry. And that that kind of plays into insecurities too. But I need you to be sure of who you are when you're in that moment, when you're talking, when you saying something, even if it's wrong, I need you to be sure. But I also don't need you to not like correction. I need you to like correction. Because some sometimes we need correction. We do. So I feel like if I can't talk to you, if I can't say, hey baby, I need you to do this or hey baby, I need you to do that, without you feeling the way of how I said it or when I said it or something, it's like I don't, you know, you don't really want to deal with the back and forth. The back and fall.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

That back and forth is.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

I don't beat that with a bottle. Like, I don't do none of that anymore. I'll be honest.

SPEAKER_02 5:05

I wasn't really an arguer like in my earlier years. Because I was like, I can't stand confrontation. But now that I'm getting older, it's like, no, you're getting on my fucking nerve. Yeah. You are really pinching my nerves. I argue.

SPEAKER_01 5:21

I let it rip. You understand? I nag I do all of the sorts. We're going to, well, not now. I don't do that now. But back then, that was me. I was very rowdy. I was very like in your face. We're not moving until we talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 5:44

Right.

SPEAKER_01 5:44

That's the kind of person I and I'm still like that now. Like, I we're not moving until we talk about it. Yeah. But I don't approach it in an argumentative way.

SPEAKER_02 5:54

Right. I try my best not to do that either. I just like to let's talk about it, resolve the issue so we can move past it. I don't got time to be talking about the same situation five times all day long for the past week and two weeks.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

Yeah, well, we talk about it. Let's talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 6:13

Talk about it, get it over with. It is what it is, what it is. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

Yeah. So are red flags deal breakers?

SPEAKER_02 6:25

No, I want to say it's dealers. Well, there's a few that's deal breakers. But not all.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

Not all. I don't think red flags are deal breakers for me. Like I feel I feel like giving grace, giving compassion. You know, people come from different walks of life. Yeah. They have different traumas. They respond to different things.

SPEAKER_02 6:50

They have triggers. Right. But how strong are you to kind of continue to deal with that? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You gotta be a strong person to deal with all of that stuff. And some people are just like, like me, for example, now that I'm getting older, it's like, I don't have time to be dealing with all that. You need to come with me. Come to me when you when you got it together. Please.

SPEAKER_01 7:14

You need to have it like, okay, so I got married young. Okay. Okay, I got married young, and I really didn't know what marriage was all about. We got married, okay. We got married, but his wife had replied. I'm sure.

SPEAKER_02 8:07

Yeah. Some stuff you can work on. Some things you can work on, but it's just some things that you just can't. And for me, I always said marriage is something I do want to get into one day. Yeah, of course. Who don't want to be married? That's crazy. No, I would love to be married, but I just feel like it would take a certain someone.

SPEAKER_01 8:29

It takes strong people to be married. You know, when I see people who are married like 45 years, 50 years, it's like, whoo, honey, tell me your remedy. What's the remedy? And I understand, you know.

SPEAKER_02 8:43

Because after two minutes, I'm ready to punch you in the probe.

SPEAKER_01 8:47

Oh, honey, hey, you got a minute and a half. 30 seconds, yeah. You at your limit, you know. Red flag. So what's the what's the next? Um, let's see, let's see.

SPEAKER_02 9:02

We have would you rather next?

SPEAKER_01 9:04

We do have would you rather? We are moving.

SPEAKER_02 9:07

We speeding on through this.

SPEAKER_01 9:09

You know, we're moving, huh? And we're moving. We're getting on through there. Yes, yes. Yes, yes, we're getting on through there. No. We have talk. We have to do it.

SPEAKER_03 9:26

Lord, y'all know.

SPEAKER_01 9:29

Y'all know everything I do, I have to incorporate my time. Yes. You know. Loving you. Thinking differently. That is the main thing I want to like focus on in life is to think up. Yes. Because a lot of times we think how we feel, or we think on the level that we're on, or we're currently on at that moment. But this one, rejection or redirection. And I, you know, I love that you chose that because I was like, we're talking about red flags. Uh-huh. We could go right into the red rejection, you know, because we have a hard time being rejected, especially as queer people. Yes. Because rejection is what, but I feel like we we handle rejection well.

SPEAKER_02 10:30

I feel like when I was younger, it was like, oh, you don't want me? Why? But now I'm getting older, it's a thing of like, I don't give a damn who wants me and who don't.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

I'm like Fantasia. If you don't want me, then don't talk to me. Go ahead and free yourself. I can't say that's how I feel now. Like, I'm not pressed. If you don't want to, I don't want to. I'm okay. Because when I lay on my couch and I turn my TV on and I watch whatever I'm watching, I'm rubbing my feet together and I'm eating whatever I'm eating. And in my mind, I'm like, I can't wait to go to sleep. I'm not thinking about you. You know, I'm not thinking, but I do want to talk about it a little bit because a lot of people struggle with rejection. And one of the things I always say, like, rejection can lead you into your destiny. It can lead you into a great place because a no will make you doll it up and re-appro you gotta reapproach it. You know, a no will make you run through the door that you feel like you're not qualified for. So I feel like sometimes we look at re rejection as a bad thing, but rejection is a stepping stool to get you to the next place because certain places require a certain level of greatness.

SPEAKER_02 12:05

Right, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 12:07

And think about it. A person who's driving a $500,000 car and a person who's driving a $26,000 car, they have a lot of things in common. Right. Right? But there are people who get stuck in the no. Correct. And then there are people who allow that no to fuel them to say, no, I think I can do it, you know. Because behind that no, they hear that yes. So I feel like I'm one of the people that if you tell me no, I'll be like, okay, well, I figured out another way to do what I want to do. Rejection for me isn't a big thing. Right.

SPEAKER_02 12:56

Now I feel like rejection is just one of those things that one of those things that God just places right there. Sometimes you just have to take it and keep it pushing. Keep on moving. You know, you don't need to continue to be in a certain situation and fight for things. If if I'm fighting for something, it's because I want to fight for it. But if I'm punching and punching and punching, you're not helping. Yeah. There's no need.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

But I also like think about the times that we reject ourselves. Oh, that's a good one. And different parts of ourselves because we're not happy with who we are in that moment. Right. And it causes us to either, you know, be stagnant.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

And that, and that, or say, you know what, I'm gonna go to counseling, I'm gonna go to, you know, better myself, I'm gonna go to life coach or whatever. Just practicing healthier mental practices, you know, to keep on a I follow this girl who is a schizophrenic. Oh, and she's such a healthy schizophrenic. And and and it sounds like an oxymoron. It sounds like an oxymoron, but why I say it's healthy for her because she acknowledges I'm a schizophrenic. There are some times I'm thinking something, and it's not true. So in these moments, this is how I, this is what I do to come down. This is what I this is the practice I do to get me out of that delusion. And there are a lot of people who have these things going on with them schizophrenia, bipolar depression, all of the things, and they don't do anything to better themselves in that moment.

SPEAKER_02 14:52

But we also have to talk about can these people afford it? Can they afford to get the help? That is a good conversation. Can they afford to get the help? It's a lot of people that is in prison right now that's dealing with this stuff that went to prison for those things because they wasn't diagnosed with it. So it's like it's a very slippery.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

That is a yeah. You're right, you're right. Because I said, I feel like when people are convicted for murder or serial killers. Right. When they're convicted and they're sentenced, I think a part of the process needs to be an evaluation on what's going on up here. So I feel like we need some psychiatrists to come in and I think that should be set in stone that that needs to happen before they go off to this long sentence because I feel like they're gonna go off in jail, still having this mindset of if I could, I'd kill about 10 people.

SPEAKER_02 15:55

Yeah. You know, but I feel like there's a certain place you need to put these people. You know, I don't think prison is a place, you know, for people like that. Like if you really are suffering with a lot of mental health issues, yeah, I think that they need to just put them off to an island. Hey, y'all have y'all best life, kill each other. Have a ball. Have a ball.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

But you know, but I also think about like people who do these kind of things, and it's like they feel like they don't have nobody to talk to. Right. Or could it have been prevented if someone would say, You okay?

SPEAKER_02 16:38

But a lot of people don't do that. A lot of people don't have that foundation or structure around them who's going to push them or to challenge them. Um I feel like you should always. Talk to your people.

SPEAKER_01 16:50

Talk to the people. Like, I like to when people, my uh tenants, when they come in the office, hey, how you doing? How you doing all right? Yeah, I'm doing okay. And if they kind of like sound a little down, you sure. You know, sometimes you gotta do the extra mile because some people just want to feel like somebody cares. Like we've all been in that moment where it's like nobody cares. And then that person that cares come and say, I care.

SPEAKER_02 17:20

Yeah, and sometimes I will say this. Remember, we talked about this in the last up episode about people um just kind of being in solitude. Sometimes it's best for y'all to get off the internet, get off the gram, Snapchat, TikTok, and really hone into yourself and really talk to yourself. It sounds strange, but really talk to yourself and really hear those things. Sit down, meditate, and just take the time and get to know yourself, know who you are as a person.

unknown 17:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:52

That's good. You better give the people and give us the words. I love it. Yes. Okay, so the next one, because we're almost done, guys. We're almost done.

SPEAKER_02 18:05

We're pushing on through.

SPEAKER_01 18:06

We're pushing on through hell. Take me through there. So the next one is would you rather unhinged addition, Lord Jesus? I'm kind of nervous. I'm gonna let you take this.

SPEAKER_02 18:20

Would you rather know every person your partner slept with or know everything they've ever said about you?

SPEAKER_01 18:27

I want to know what you said about me. What you telling your friends? Huh? What you telling your friends after we argue? What are you telling? That's what I don't care who you who you slept with. I don't care nothing about that. But I didn't know what you're saying to your friends about me while you're laying by me.

SPEAKER_02 18:49

You know, I didn't. What are you looking at? We got audience in the building, you guys.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

We have an audience. Clap audience.

SPEAKER_02 19:01

Oh, ooh. For me, I would rather know that too. Yeah. Um, yeah. I will be honest and say that I will go through your phone. Oh. Do not give me your password to your phone. I will go through it. Okay, friend, let's talk about this. Why? Why not? Your phone is my phone. Really? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 19:25

Okay. Okay. Okay. Yes, it's ours. All right.

SPEAKER_02 19:32

You might say it's yours, but you know, but in yours, it says Y O U R S. Oh, ours, yeah. Okay, that's how that's not that math though. Yes. What's mine's is yours. Well, what is it? What's mine's mine's is mine's. But what's yours is mine's. Yeah. So what's mine is mine.

SPEAKER_01 19:59

What's mine's is mine. What's yours is mine also. I kind of like that. Yeah. Absolutely. I like that a lot. Okay, so with my $150, when I spent my $150, I need $300. Mm-hmm. Ooh.

SPEAKER_02 20:16

This is a little risky. Uh, would you rather have amazing sex with terrible communication or amazing communication with mediocre sex? I know now. I plead the fifth. I plead the fifth. I'm gonna bring my glasses down just a little bit on this one. I plead. You know, I like to have me a good little time. But communication is a big thing. Communication, but I feel like, okay, so I can't deal with nobody that can't communicate. My God today.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

But I feel like if the communication is good, the bad sex will be a little intensified because you're not communicating with me. Yeah. So, and I've okay, well, sex is also an experience that both parties have to put into that experience. So if you are not doing well in sex, that means you're not teachable because you also have to teach people how to love you, how to handle you, how to talk to you, what to say to you in those tender moments. Yes. You know, because y'all get real tender and y'all don't know how to the tenderism. The tenderism has y'all have y'all in the parks all through the apps. And I'm speaking because I done been in the parks and all through the apps. Hallelujah. That tenderism. But communication, and I think when a person is serving your needs.

SPEAKER_02 22:01

I'm gonna just say this right quick. You threw me for a loop, friend, when you brought up the parks. I'm not gonna lie to you, but it's okay. It is okay. It's okay.

SPEAKER_01 22:13

If you know about the parks, boo. If you know about the parks. The girls that get it, get it. And the girls that don't don't. Okay, what's that? You're not getting loose now. It's okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:30

Would you rather your ex marry your enemy or your best friend date your ex? Let me tell you something. I will say this. In the gay community, it's it's different. It's different. It's different. In the straight world, you know, yeah, you get you gotta knock your friend's head off.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

But in the gay world, it's kind of like it's different because it's like, we all men at the same at the end of the day. Whether we identify as non-binary, gay, we're all men at the end of the day. We love our trans men, they're men as well. Yeah. So we're all men at the end of the day. We we leave that catty shit with the trans girls. We leave that with cattles.

SPEAKER_02 23:11

Can I say something about the trans women? Hold on. Ladies, please stop meow mixing out there over them pieces. Why is y'all cat fighting over trade? That's please, let it go. Stop it.

SPEAKER_01 23:24

You know.

SPEAKER_02 23:26

They love to do a meow.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

We gotta talk about. We gotta talk about our trans sisters. And we also have to talk about our sisters. People who like, love, and share. We love you so much here at the Pull Up Podcast. Um, so next week we have some great things that we're gonna be talking about like we did today.

SPEAKER_02 23:54

We're building, we're working.

SPEAKER_01 23:55

We're building, we're working out the kinks, y'all. And when I tell you this is a great journey. Yes, yes. He came in here very nervous.

SPEAKER_02 24:05

Yeah. I'm always nervous. I'm always nervous.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

Shout out new guys always supporting us and now that it's been used supporting us. So I'll let you do that.

SPEAKER_02 24:29

Um, what I want to tell you guys this week I want to tell you guys be safe, be safe out there. Um you know, especially when it comes to drinking and driving and going to the clubs. Go out there, have a good time, but be responsible. Um, don't go out there and do crazy things. Please be responsible. Please take take care of yourself. That's my biggest thing. Take care of yourself this week. Um, and focus on that mental health like we talked about earlier.

SPEAKER_03 25:02

So thank you guys for pulling up on the pull up podcast.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

Yes. Whether you agree or disagree with anything we say, whether you feel like we are full of bleep, say something. Pull up next week so we can talk about something else. And you may feel the same way, yeah. But just come the week after that so we can talk about it again. You have tuned in to the pull up podcast. Bye.

SPEAKER_00 25:39

We pull up, we pull up, we pull up.